When Shahrukh Khan played the superstar in Billu Barber, he drove a Bentley. Though contractually obliged to endorse the Santro, it seems like he’s in only one of the cars spots. (In Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi, he is on a Santro – I mean there was no serious plugging happening there!). Love Aaj Kal got right what New York didn’t – both movies had testosterone-ridden, full-blooded, well-muscled, wannabe-Yankee hero-boys who seek attention the way heat-seeking missiles seek, well, heat. John drove one of those big, black SUVs, which is so common in America that they are simply referred to as ‘trucks.’ Saif drove an all-male, adrenaline machine, the Ford Mustang. Bang on, Imtiaz! When Ford India looked around for a celebrity to endorse the Endeavour, they were obviously looking for somebody with more than just recall value. A certain maturity, sense of security, aggressiveness that was not quite intimidating, passable good looks, and, of course, big muscles. Little wonder, they zeroed in on Sunil Shetty. That Sunil drives a Hummer in real life too must have worked in his favour. Big Anna! Mighty brother!! Troop saviour!!!

Cars, louder than their honk, speak volumes about the driver. Shifting gears, it works in reverse too – a driver chooses a set of wheels that’s closest to his personality. Yes, cars have their own distinct personalities. Check out some generic wheels, and think about what they say about those behind the wheel (mind you, perhaps this is how they’re really perceived):

SUVs: A thirst for power, quest for adventure. Rugged and prepared to rough it out (self absorbed narcissist who believes he’s a tough cookie).

Ordinary four door sedans: Practical, down-to-earth, most probably in the ‘family way’ (life and conversation revolves around saas-bahu sagas).

Luxury cars: A need to stand out, an unquenchable desire to be unique (you miss the British Raj).

Sports cars: Youthful, brimming with exuberance. The flashy kind (nothing there, other than the car).

Power vehicles (open jeeps, muscle cars): Don’t-give-a-damn-what-anybody-thinks (papa’s money – never had to work single day of his life).

Compact cars, hybrids, electrics: Want to do the right thing, is rational and fears judgment (insecure and paranoid with a persecution complex).

Things aren’t always that straightforward however. A Maruti 800 could say that you’re so cheap that you don’t want to spend money on a decent set of wheels. Or, for that matter, that you’ve just bought your first car – with your own hard-earned money. The concept of ‘driving what you are’ has a long way to go before it holds true in our country. For starters, more of us – including me – need much bigger bank accounts to accurately reflect our personalities. If I had my own private oil well or my own proprietary software, it would have to be a Ferrari (599 GTB), Maserati (Quattroporte) and a Lamborghini (Gallardo). Okay, okay, I will settle for a Porsche 911! However, the nearest I’ve gotten to one was when it was parked somewhere near Dubai’s Jumeirah beach. I hugged the hood with more happiness than those two long-lost brothers who reunite to a childhood hum in a soap dish flick. But, like Amrish Puri, the possessive owner appeared from nowhere and snarled. My take off speed could have given the Bugatti Veyron a complex.

Talking to many who drive one of the ‘hatch batch’ – an i10, Wagon R, Santro, Spark, U-VA, A-Star, i-20, Honda Jazz, etc. – I found that their aspirations were eerily similar to mine. It was either a Benz or Porsche, depending on the education levels (‘Benz’ is easier to pronounce).

Real v/s Reel Turning my attention from the real to the ‘reel’ world, I found that I could live out my fantasies on celluloid. From my childhood, when the rich man / heroine’s father / the villain drove the Impala to today when you see a DCM Cielo, and you can be assured it’s going to be blown up – not much thought has gone into ‘car imagery’ by filmmakers. The car driven, just like the clothes worn, actions and words spoken, plays an important role in defining the character. We resorted to templates, giving them all a Mercedes Benz (the rich man), a Willy’s Jeep (closed for the police, and open for friends and lovers), an Ambassador (the upright bureaucrat), or a Fiat Padmini (the educated one who’s fate is almost certainly death). Recently, we’ve started taking cues from Hollywood – where many a defining moment have been woven around a spectacular set of wheels: the Audi TT Roadster and Porsche 911 Cabriolet chase in Mission Impossible II, the getaway in the Mini Cooper in The Bourne Identity, Steve McQueen in a Mustang Cobra GT chased by goons in a Dodge Challenger in Bullitt. It should be only a matter of time before we too have whole movies revolving around cars – like Clint Eastwood’s Gran Torino (a 1972 Gran Torino), Transformers (Chevy Camaro), Herbie (the Volkswagen bug), and, of course, the ever popular The Fast and the Furious.
Then, instead of cramming the frame with exotic cars to a mindless number like in Golmaal Returns, we need to assign cars to our heroes, which will embellish their onscreen personality. Apart from Imtiaz Ali, Sriram Raghavan is among the very few others who got it right. In his dark thriller Johnny Gaddar, Neil Nitin Mukesh plays a character who is efficient, sharp, a silent performer who keeps a low profile. How best can you describe a Mitsubishi Lancer?